Borderline Between What and What?

Apparently, it’s Borderline Personality Disorder awareness week. Like most things, I missed the memo on that and found out late, but, here we are! So, be aware of me. But no, seriously, I think it’s neat that we have another entire week to talk about this.

If you’ve read any of my blog posts (RIP lmao) or any of my previous newsletters or spent thirty seconds talking to me, then you probably know that I am profoundly mentally ill. My list of diagnoses and treatments and hospitalizations could fill up a tome so large that Dr. Ratio might switch to that as his weapon of choice. That being said, of everything, the BPD is the diagnosis that plagues me the most (okay, it’s probably actually tied with the bipolar because of the amount of medications the bipolar requires, but you get my point.)

I have a tendency to act as if I have the healed type of BPD, as I’ve long since learned to manage my symptoms, but if I’m being honest with myself, I think I’ve just learned to conceal it better and not act outwardly on it as often. Somebody once asked me how I deal with the symptoms of this disorder, and the truth of the matter is that I just… don’t. I just ignore them. Is that the healthiest way to deal with them? No, not at all, but at the very least, it keeps me from lashing out and taking it out on everybody around me and that has to count for something.

I suppose another way I have been trying to deal with my disorder is through writing. You all know by now that Hazel, the protagonist of The Stars Want Blood, has BPD and it’s very visible throughout the book. Hazel is an incredibly real and harrowing depiction of BPD and that was entirely by design. It is not a pretty disorder, nor is it fun. It often makes those with it act out in ways that are incredibly negative and toxic. Hazel does shitty things in the name of their disorder, and to me, that’s a realistic depiction, even if it’s an ugly one. I originally chose to go this route with Hazel’s character because I wanted to see a romantasy novel out in the world that featured characters with these sorts of issues because it wasn’t anything I’d seen yet in any bookstore. But I am beginning to think (and don’t look at me [name of Morgan’s therapist] - don’t you dare say “I told you so,”) that I wrote it more so to pin my problems on somebody else so I could figure out how to work through them without having to look so directly into a mirror.

I mean, what good is being a writer if I can’t use my writing in lieu of therapy? But, anyway, back to BPD in TSWB. Book two will be… angstier than book one. It’s a much heavier book, in my opinion. But I wanted to promise everybody that I am a stark HEA truther, so, we’ll get there eventually. Hazel is going to face their BPD and learn to overcome it as much as any person with BPD can. Maybe it’ll help me figure out my own, or maybe it won’t. Either way, as a reader, you’ll see Hazel tackle and conquer theirs. It’ll come, and thinking about it gives me hope that maybe I’ll figure out my own some day. No matter what though, there is a large part of me that hopes readers will get something out of Hazel’s journey. We’ll all figure this shit out together.

Okay, directionless ramble over!

Writing Updates

I’ve mostly been focusing on my newest WIP, Above Snakes WIP. The brain percolating with that has been going extraordinarily well, and the actual drafting is going okay. I’ve slowed down a lot, but I am hoping to ramp back up in November. Once I eventually finish the first draft of that, I’ll be diving back into the sequel of The Stars Want Blood. I’ve had a lot of time to think about the second book, and the changes I’d like to make to my current outline. If you liked the first book, I think you’ll really like the second book. We’re going to have so much fun here.

Book Details

GENRES Adult romantasy, dark romantasy, new adult, LGBTQIA+
ORDER (eBook, paperback) https://www.amzn.com/B0CTGNLZVS/
GOODREADS https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/206116326

Character Art Reveal

I commissioned some art of the main character and the love interest from Above Snakes WIP to celebrate hitting 50,000 words in the first draft. So, please enjoy the absolutely incredible work that Kannamora drew up for me, because I haven’t stopped screaming about either piece since they hit my inbox.